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Anonymous asked:

Now that you're a human, you should be more attractive to Samus or Peach. Take advantage of that!

douchebagvonkoopa:

advertising-jordon:

douchebagvonkoopa:

You do have a point. I hadn’t thought about that.





… Wait, why the Princess?

I think he means with Peach, you could go into her kingdom, earn her trust and get secret intel to use against them or something like that

But through my “attractiveness” as a human?

That sounds a lot like implication that I should try to seduce the Princess,
and I am not doing that.

image

EW! You don’t need to seduce her! Just befriend her. Anyway, that plumber probably has claims on her anyway. Again. EW!

http://douchebagvonkoopa.tumblr.com/post/82788071790/advertising-jordon-douchebagvonkoopa

douchebagvonkoopa:

advertising-jordon:

Awesome! I wanna do all the things you could do

How long did it take you to master some of your best magic skills?

Again, it will not be easy. I’ve been studying magic since shortly before our initial takeover of the Mushroom Lands.
I was seventeen at the time. So that’s… what? Seven years?

Granted, I have access to a wide assortment of literature on the subject, and Kamek has taught me a lot pf things. It may very well take you longer. It depends on your particular resources.

It’s hard to say how long each of my individual skills took. It ranges anywhere from a couple of weeks, to a few years, depending on how intricate the spell itself is.
Learning how to create homing blasts was quite easy, for instance, while spawning multiples was quite a bit more tricky and required a lot more trial and error.

You may very well be able to learn how to unleash a wave of uncontrolled power or turn on the lights in your room in a few days or a week. But something like spawning specific items or teleporting could take you a few years.
The more individual factors you have to take into account, the more difficult it will be to master.

I get it. It just takes practice. Like riding a bike or learning to swim

You don’t seem arrogant to me. You seem quite modest.

http://douchebagvonkoopa.tumblr.com/post/82788071790/advertising-jordon-douchebagvonkoopa

douchebagvonkoopa:

advertising-jordon:

I see.

You still have your magic?! Lucky! I wish I was magic!

Well, many of the humans I’ve run into also have the capability for magic. Just look at the Princess, and the kings of the Mushroom Lands.
It’s not that surprising.

You could probably try to learn the skill, if you wish to put in the effort. It’s not the easiest thing to master, but it is quite rewarding.

Awesome! I wanna do all the things you could do

How long did it take you to master some of your best magic skills?

http://douchebagvonkoopa.tumblr.com/post/82788071790/advertising-jordon-douchebagvonkoopa

douchebagvonkoopa:

advertising-jordon:

Yeah…. You also can’t do that this week. Humans killing other humans is frowned apon. You can kick their ass if they piss you off but don’t kill. Frankly it’s easier to kill humans as a Koopa anyway. Koopas have more strength, claws and fire breath. Well Dragon Koopa’s like you at least

Humans among their own kind, with the circumstances they normally fall victim to, yes.
But, even in this fragile form, I still have access to my magic, and to my resources as prince of the Koopa Kingdom.

I do not go around just killing humans at my leisure, in any case. They are rare in this area. And a lot of my more violent work revolves around forceful information extraction.
So, unless someone goes out of their way to piss me off badly enough, it’s not really an issue.

I see.

You still have your magic?! Lucky! I wish I was magic!

http://douchebagvonkoopa.tumblr.com/post/82788071790/advertising-jordon-douchebagvonkoopa

advertising-jordon:

douchebagvonkoopa:

lieutenantpompom:

"Oh, human culture? Yeah, I don’t know about their weird customs.”

I know some basic information. In shades. You tend to naturally glean it, when you spend this much time interacting with them.
Not to mention the odd…

Yeah…. You also can’t do that this week. Humans killing other humans is frowned apon. You can kick their ass if they piss you off but don’t kill. Frankly it’s easier to kill humans as a Koopa anyway. Koopas have more strength, claws and fire breath. Well Dragon Koopa’s like you at least

douchebagvonkoopa:

lieutenantpompom:

"Oh, human culture?  Yeah, I don’t know about their weird customs.”

I know some basic information. In shades. You tend to naturally glean it, when you spend this much time interacting with them.
Not to mention the odd bit of information I’ve read on my own time.

Yeah. As a human, I can tell you, we’re a bunch of oddballs!

Tip: Humans are more delicate than Koopas so be careful in what you eat, drink and do.

advertising-jordon asked:

Bet you regret this Fuck, marry, kill thing, huh? So many people are into Koopacest (Koopa Incest)

douchebagvonkoopa:

advertising-jordon:

douchebagvonkoopa:

Oh, given my unfortunate experiences in browsing certain sites, I am quite aware of this. The populace of the internet seems to want to see anything and everything with a pulse fuck. Sometimes, without a pulse. I expect this.

I don’t quite expect this from members of my own family line, mind you.

But really, if people are going to create pornographic material in which I am a participant, can it at least involve someone I may not actually wretch at the idea of sleeping with? Like Samus.

Fine. But I still worry. I guess that’s why you’ll be king and I won’t. That and I have a soft spot for little kids. Even if they are brats

I try to separate myself from such weaknesses, so that they do not become a liability.

I would not think about it too much. Things will fall into place, because I will make them fall into place. It’s simply about waiting the right time and making sure I’ve accessed all of my potential resources.

Ok. I trust you

So…. What will you do once you get the throne anyway? Do you have any new decrees?

advertising-jordon asked:

Bet you regret this Fuck, marry, kill thing, huh? So many people are into Koopacest (Koopa Incest)

douchebagvonkoopa:

advertising-jordon:

douchebagvonkoopa:

Oh, given my unfortunate experiences in browsing certain sites, I am quite aware of this. The populace of the internet seems to want to see anything and everything with a pulse fuck. Sometimes, without a pulse. I expect this.

I don’t quite expect this from members of my own family line, mind you.

But really, if people are going to create pornographic material in which I am a participant, can it at least involve someone I may not actually wretch at the idea of sleeping with? Like Samus.

Another thing if Junior flees? What would happen to him? Where would he go? Would he live in the streets for the rest of his days? And what if he comes back years later when your old and gets his revenge? If he does get his revenge on you someday and spills your blood, he will be king and then your future kids will get revenge and so on and so on.

Long story short, when Bowser dies, Junior has two choices. Life on the streets or fighting back and losing. I don’t mean to make you feel bad but surely this has crossed your mind.

And no I am NOT siding with your father! The dude is a tool.

It would not be my concern as to what he chose to do, as long as it did not disrupt my empire. He can start a bakery and sell muffins to the mushroom folk, for all I care.

He is responsible for himself. I am not his parent. I am not his caretaker.
These kinds of things happen, in war and conflicts to the death. The strong learn what they need to survive in the face of what life has tossed them, and they go on, making what they will of themselves.

I do plan to keep a much stronger hold on the affairs of my empire than father has done with his own attempts. Iggy is developing technologies that will allow me to keep an eye on my subjects, and put an end to problems before they start.
Not to mention, unless the child miraculously manages to acquire a vast wealth of magical skills and technological resources in whatever state he lets himself exist in (which I highly doubt could happen under my network’s nose), I am quite confident in having the advantage.
I do my best not to overlook such things. The foolish do, and that’s why they end up dead.

If I do, perhaps, end up making such a string of grievous errors that would allow the child to do all of these things and cut my throat, then I will deserve it.
I would not accept such a lapse in judgement from myself, nor should any other.

Fine. But I still worry. I guess that’s why you’ll be king and I won’t. That and I have a soft spot for little kids. Even if they are brats

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